Scribbled in a notebook in the pre-school parking lot:

I want desperately to run my head through this car window.

Joel told Brad that I am “sad” about the restaurant’s financial problems. Sad?!

Kindergarteners are expected to identify emotions better than that. Sad?

Sad is when your goldfish dies.

I am not sad. I am ANGRY.

Trying to comfort me, Jeremiah said, “Mommy! Only babies cry!” He was surprised to learn that this approach doesn’t help.

“The rain is growing more flowers! And you will pick them one at a time and put one in my hair. And that will be HAPPY! Flowers live in hair too…” ~ Sarah.

6:17 a.m. I just dropped Joel off at the airport. We were running late so I didn’t get to hug him nearly as long as I wanted to… you know, for 4 months or something.

I don’t think the kids understand how long he will be gone. I feel like throwing up… I’ll try not to do that because it would probably freak them out.

He’s just going to Army officer training in South Carolina today. If he goes to Iraq in March I may change my mind about not freaking out the kids.

Pray for The Lazy Susan.

So… all of my sites are freaking out. Some late night CSS changes I made on my trip freaked out the comments section of this site. Is anyone having trouble getting comments to work? I know it looks weird half the time.

“For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship.[a] And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.”
- Romans 8:15-16

But I am fearful. I am scared. Scared of tomorrow. Scared of today. My heart aches with fear. Help me to trust you. Abba, Abba calm my trembling heart.

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” - Romans 8:38-39

“The one who trusts in him will never be put to shame.” - Romans 9:33

I avoided talking to someone because of fear and shame. I planned on packing up and moving out as soon as possible because of fear and shame. Unjustified fear and shame. I am God’s child. The spirit that lives in me is not a spirit of fear. I will trust in Christ and never be put to shame. I will not fear Man or Tomorrow.

-But I do. God help me.

The ache within me feels like it should spill out like Edmond’s hot dragon tears.