I don’t know how to be my daughter’s mom. I know how to be Jeremiah’s mother. That role comes naturally. We are the same. I understand him.
I do not understand four year old girls. Perhaps a different statement would be more accurate: I do not understand girls. They’re so very emotional and … girly. Mine is anyway.
I’ve tried to talk to Sarah about Joel being deployed and me leaving for officer training. She never really said much. Then tonight, I showed a moment of weakness. I told her I was sad and that I felt like crying. She broke. She cried and cried and told me all about how upset she was when I left her. She said she’s scared because she doesn’t know if her daddy is coming home. And she’s worried that he might not brush his teeth at night…all of his teeth might fall out. And she is scared that I’ll go back to Army and climb another wall. Through sobs she asked me if a mean guy with a gun pushed me off that wall! She wanted to know if the bad guys shot at me when I was at For Jackson. She said that they always shoot at her in her dreams… they come out of a black house with a yellow roof that she saw at Jackson and in her dreams.
Such a sad, scared little girl. All of my earlier attempts to talk with her failed because I was trying to talk to her like I talk to Jeremiah. Logically. That doesn’t work. When I finally showed some emotion, she told me everything.
Oh. I never thought of that. Never. Seriously, someone should clue me in on how to be my daughter’s mom. Maybe teach me how to braid hair while you’re at it.
I know exactly how you feel…it is very hard for me to think in emotional terms. But I have the opposite problem, my son is the emotional one and my daughter is more like me.
Please don’t be so hard on yourself. Do the best you can and let God take care of the rest.
Comment by Diane — 3/4/2007 @ 10:06 pm
Sorry, I can’t help you on this one.
Four boys, no girls.
I think Diane is right though.
Praying for you.
Comment by Patti N — 3/5/2007 @ 7:43 am
I can teach you to braid her hair, but I missed the signs of the upset. I just held her though the bad dreams instead of asking her what they were about. I would like to be holding you both now.
Comment by Conda — 3/5/2007 @ 8:37 am
I think these are new bad dreams. We talked about it this morning. We looked at all of my CH-BOLC photos and I talked her though each one. She meant the NBC gas chamber. She had seen the photo earlier and made up her own story to go with it.
I also explained the confidence course again and walked her through each of those photos, explaining that the soldiers were there to help me.
Comment by Amy — 3/5/2007 @ 8:58 am
I’m sorry that you are having to deal with this, because it is hard, but also glad that Sarah finally opened up and told you everything. You need to know so that you can help her the best you can. I’m sure that the fears are not as bad once she talked about them and you are walking her through them. Glad that you were able to show her the pictures and explain them, I know that does help Gabbie when we talk about things as well.
Since I am typically the emotional one around here, my kids are used to me crying ocassionally and Gabbie is good at comforting me. But I also struggle knowing what to do with my kids some days. Davy is still such a baby, and I enjoy him being a baby, but Gabbie needs more grown up attention as well, and sometimes it feels like I’m being torn by them in two opposite directions.
This mom thing is a lot harder than I ever imagined!
P.S. I can teach you how to braid hair. I’m really good at it, but Gabbie hates it! And her hair is so slippery, the braids fall out almost instantly.
Comment by Hillery — 3/5/2007 @ 9:27 am
Um… You under estimate yourself. You are just as emotionally connected as your daughter. Do I need to remind you of some of the emails/IMs we had when you were gone last year? You do have a huge logic streak, which may seem easier to you, cause using your brain is less emotionally and physically taxing than using your heart, but you are every bit as much female as your daughter. Just remember that it’s OK to not maintain military bearing at home. You need that as much as your kids do. And if you need coffee, chocolate or pizza, or bubbles and trips to the park to help with that, you know who to call.
Comment by Judi — 3/5/2007 @ 11:07 am
I am writing a lesson for a mother/daughter retreat that our church is having this weekend. I came across this website as I was doing some research. I am addressing mothers and teenage girls. I have a 14 year old daughter and a 13 year old son. I have been working in the full time ministry for women for 14 years.
I grew up in a house hold where my mother shut down from me emotionally around the age of 11. Of course this is when I needed her most. I remember thinking when I have child I will not do that to them.
However, I do remember thinking that girls were so petty and the fights my friends got in were such a waste of time. I became a christian when my daughter was 1 month old. God has taught me how to deal with my thoughts and emotions and help my children as well. God gave us emotions and gave us the bible to show us how to handle them correctly. This is a time to look into God’s word and train your daughter. She needs your love and openess at the level she can handle. I have some great helps if you are interested in hearing more.
Comment by Marci — 3/20/2007 @ 10:33 am
Prayer, that is the best thing I have found with my own little girl. I talk to her and we pray together. Sometimes, I hear her worries when she prays. And then after prayertime, we talk about her worries. Keep your chin up Amy! I would be willing to bet that you’re doing a great job with that beautiful little girl of yours! God Bless…Delisha
Comment by Delisha Webb — 3/31/2007 @ 12:51 am