My last post spoke of surrender. That’s a word that came up a lot while I was at officer basic. On the drive to Jackson, I heard Chris Tomlin’s song Made to Worship as if it were the first time.

“You and I were made to worship,
You and I are called to love,
You and I are forgiven and free.
When you and I embrace surrender,
You and I choose to believe,
You and I will see how we were meant to be”

Embrace Surrender
Those words flowed from the car speakers and gripped my stubborn heart. Embrace?

em·brace
1. To clasp or hold close with the arms, usually as an expression of affection.

I’m supposed to embrace surrender? What? How?

Last semester one of my professors suggested that we read Absolute Surrender by Andrew Murray. Several people recommended it within a few weeks. Having never heard of this classic before, I took the hint and bought an old copy. It sat untouched on my bookshelf for months. I took it to Jackson with me but never turned a page. I didn’t even know what the book was about, but the bold title on the tattered, faded covered called to me often.

When we first arrived at Jackson, I admitted to Patti that I thought I had a problem trusting God. She told me that I do trust God. I’m just stubborn and I don’t like what He’s doing!

She was was right. I didn’t like what He was asking of us. It seemed too hard and I didn’t feel strong enough. Later that month, I took a few steps toward surrender but something still held me back.

Paula declared “Holy Determination” to be her CH-BOLC catchphrase. I made mine, “Embrace Surrender.”

On my first Sunday back in Springfield, I found this in the church bulletin:

“Reflective Reading

“Many are afraid to make a full surrender to God because they fear God’s will. They are afraid God’s will may be something dreadful, some hard thing. Remember who God is: He is infinite love, and absolute surrender to God is simply absolute surrender to infinite love. Is there anything dreaded in that? And God is our Father. God’s love is not only wiser than that of any earthly father, but more tender than any earthly mother….There is nothing to be feared in God’s will. God’s will will always prove in the final outcome the best and sweetest thing in all God’s universe. Lay your will down and look to your Father to baptize you with the Holy Spirit.” – From R.A. Torrey on the Holy Spirit

Receiving a handwritten card from God couldn’t have been more meaningful than seeing those words in the bulletin that Sunday morning. It was like God saying, “I’m Real… and I’m talking directly to you… and Oh yeh… I’m really serious about that surrender thing.”

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I’ve had a difficult time since returning to Springfield. I miss my husband, I miss the Army, I’m not taking weekly classes, I’m overwhelmed with homework, the kids are challenging, and I’m still not feeling well. John Piper might say that I’m, “Fighting For Joy.”

On Monday night, I got tired of dabbling with depression, I decided I need to do something. I searched my bookshelf for some sort of devotional. The old yellow and black book once again called to me. Absolute Surrender… might as well read that.
—
Absolute Surrender
by Murray, Andrew (1828-1917)
First published in 1895.

In his address, Murray asks the question, “Are you willing to surrender yourselves absolutely into His hands?

God Claims It From Us.
“And everyone of us is a temple of God, in which God will dwell and work mightily on one condition–absolute surrender to Him. God claims it, God is worthy of it, and without it God cannot work his blessed work in us.”

God claims it. Nothing new here. God has a habit of requiring us to do things that are humanly impossible. My lack of surrender limits what he can do in my life? Ouch. The incessant ache of my heart verified this truth. But how can I surrender and what will that bring?

God Will Work It Himself.
“I am sure there is many a heart that says: “Ah, but that absolute surrender implies so much!” Someone says, “Oh, I have passed through so much trial and suffering, and there is so much of the self-life still remaining, and I dare not face the entire giving of it up, because I know it will cause so much trouble and agony.”

“Alas! alas that God’s children have such thoughts of Him, such cruel thoughts.

Oh my goodness… I just made Andrew Murray say “Alas!” Twice.

“God does not ask you to give the perfect surrender in your strength or by the power of your will; God is willing to work it in you. And that is what we should seek for–to go on our faces before God, until our hearts learn to believe that the everlasting God Himself will come in to turn out what is wrong, to conquer what is evil, and to work what is well-pleasing in His blessed sight. God Himself will work it in you…

I pray you, learn to know and trust your God now. Say: “My God, I am willing that Thou shouldst make me willing.” If there is anything holding you back, or any sacrifice you are afraid of making, come to God now, and prove how gracious your God is, and be not afraid that He will command from you what He will not bestow.”

Whoo! Good, I knew I couldn’t do this on my own. God if you claim it from me… well then you need to work it in me because, I’ve tried and it didn’t work out so well. God, I am willing that you would make me willing.

“All these searchings and hungerings and longing that are in your heart, I tell you they are the drawings of the divine magnet, Christ Jesus. He lived a life of absolute surrender, He has possession of you; He is living in your heart by His Holy Spirit. You have hindered and hindered Him terribly, but He desires to help you to get hold of him entirely.”

Oh my, I have hindered Him terribly with my stubborn heart and lack of trust. I want to surrender but how do I know if I truly have?

God Accepts It When We Bring It To Him.

“But remember when you come and bring God that absolute surrender, it may, as far as your feelings or your consciousness go, be a thing of great imperfection, and you may doubt and hesitate and say: “Is it absolute?”

“And if you come and say: “Lord, I yield myself in absolute surrender to my God,” even though it be with a trembling heart and with the consciousness: “I do not feel the power, I do not feel the determination, I do not feel the assurance,” it will succeed…

And when you do yield yourself in absolute surrender, let it be in faith that God does now accept of it…

“While I… full of failure and sin and fear, bow here, and no one knows what passes through my heart, and while I in simplicity say, O God… I have accepted Thy terms of absolute surrender–while your heart says that in deep silence, remember there is a God present that takes note of it, and writes it down in His book, and there is a God present who at that very moment takes possession of you. You may not feel it, you may not realize it, but God takes possession if you will trust Him.”

Sometimes we put a lot of emphasis on feelings when what we really need is faith. It seems Murray doesn’t think feelings have anything to do with this. If I come to Christ and offer absolute surrender, or ask Him to help me to do so… that’s enough. He accepts it, regardless of how I feel. But how do we know if it ’sticks’? Don’t people often consecrate themselves to God or ‘rededicate their lives’? Doesn’t it generally tend to fade? Murray says that is because people don’t believe this:

God Maintains It
“When God has begun the work of absolute surrender in you, and when God has accepted your surrender, then God holds Himself bound to care for it and to keep it.”

What does this life of absolute surrender look like?

“Such a life has two sides–on the one side, absolute surrender to work what God wants you to do; on the other side, to let God work what He wants to do…

But say absolutely to the Lord God: “By Thy grace I desire to do Thy will in everything, every moment of every day.” Say: “Lord God, not a word upon my tongue but for Thy glory, not a movement of my temper but for Thy glory, not an affection of love or hate in my heart but for Thy glory, and according to Thy blessed will.”

But for Thy glory. This is the prayer I spoke of a few days ago.

Will Wonderfully Bless Us

“Let us believe God has wonderful blessings for us, if we will but stand up for God, and say, be it with a trembling will, yet with a believing heart: “O God, I accept Thy demands. I am thine and all I have. Absolute surrender is what my soul yields to Thee by divine grace.”

“Acknowledge that you have grieved the Holy Spirit by your self-will, self-confidence, and self-effort. Bow humbly before Him in the confession of that.

Absolute Surrender. That is my prayer. While I can not find the strength within me to absolutely surrender to His will, I can ask Him to help. I think that is enough.

“My God, I am willing that Thou shouldst make me willing.”
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I’m still a little down, but that melancholy is mixed with anticipation. I’m excited about what God is doing and is about to do.

He can be such a patient, gentle God. Overlooking my stubbornness, and the childish cruel thoughts I think of Him. He walks right into my accusing attacks and offers to hold me, to embrace me.

And I respond by asking Him, “Lord, help me to embrace surrender.”
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Absolute Surrender by Andrew Murray
Read it online.
Listen.

John Piper on Fighting for Joy:
Online Book:
When I don’t Desire God: How to fight for joy
Sermon Series:
How to Fight For Joy Part 1, Part 2, Part 3