I recently turned in a 20 page paper for the Military Chaplaincy course at AGTS. It covered my call, my strengths and weaknesses as it pertains to the chaplaincy, my vision of ministry opportunities and challenges, free exercise of religion, pluralism, working with chaplains of other faith groups, and a personal fitness plan addressing spiritual, physical, emotional, mental and career growth.

The Call

As a young girl, I dreamed of becoming a military officer. In junior high and high school I prepared to attend the Air Force academy. Late in my freshman year, my parents invited a missionary family into our home. That brief visit with Craig and Jadine Fritzler impacted me. Soon, I felt an undeniable calling to the ministry. That summer, I spent a life changing week at a Full Gospel youth camp in Wyandotte, Oklahoma. During the Wednesday lunch service, Brother Freddie spoke about the call into ministry. My heart burned within me. I knew that he was talking to me; that God was calling me. Instead of the military, I would go into the ministry.

In preparation for the ministry, I majored in Biblical Studies at Evangel University and graduated in 1999. Once or twice a year after graduating, I considered joining the Army Reserves as a chaplain. I thought it was a great way to pay for seminary, and a cool job to have one weekend a month. I visited GoArmy.com and mentioned the idea to my husband. I couldn’t get past that last step. Joel didn’t like the idea. He said our kids were too young and having both parents in the Army was too risky. Since I knew Joel didn’t approve, I never let myself think too seriously about being a chaplain.
On December 1st 2005—after learning about dual military families in an Army Officer Basic Course—Joel called from Fort Jackson and suggested that maybe I could become an Army Chaplain. I contacted a recruiter that day.

I had a lot of questions. I talked to friends. Some were surprisingly supportive. Others were just as upset at the idea as I expected. Still others didn’t really say anything at all. I interpreted their silence as disapproval. For everyone, there was one major cause for concern: my children.

I had chosen to stay at home with my kids. Joining the military seemed a complete contradiction of the stay-at-home mom role I valued so highly. While I refused to leave them with a babysitter, now I was choosing to leave them for months at a time. I wouldn’t get a day job, but I contemplated volunteering for deployment. It took four weeks of prayer, research, conversation, doubt, and more prayer before I finally decided to become an Army chaplain.

Confirmation

After years of ignoring it, and a month of struggling with it, I finally chose to answer the call. Peace flooded my heart, offering immediate confirmation that I had made the right decision. The chaplaincy brought together my seemingly incompatible childhood dreams of military service and ministry. This peace became the first of many confirmations.

A few weeks later, we joined my husband at Fort Jackson, South Carolina. We lived there for three months while he finished officer basic and attended postal school. This new exposure to soldiers and their families ignited a passion in me that wasn’t there before. I enjoyed living on post; I loved hearing the cadence and bugles and talking to soldiers at the park or PX. While at Jackson, I went to MEPS to get a physical. I spent the day with young recruits and came home excited about ministering to young heroes like them. My time at Fort Jackson served as a second confirmation of my call.

In the fall of 2006, I officially entered the Army Chaplain Candidate program. My husband’s unit mobilized, my son entered kindergarten and I enrolled in seminary seven years after taking my last college class. I had to put my daughter in childcare. That’s something I never wanted to do. All of these changes and challenges caused me to evaluate my call to the chaplaincy. Once again, an answer came. One morning as I read the Army Times, I found myself growing emotional over the photos of soldiers who had died in combat the week before. The story of a young son receiving his daddy’s Medal of Honor caught my heart next. An article about the lack of chaplains accompanying casualty notification teams closed the deal. While I wasn’t normally one to show emotion, I found myself weeping uncontrollably over these stories and others. This passion caught me by surprise and offered one more confirmation.

In January 2007, as my husband prepared for war, I left my children with their grandparents and drove 1,500 miles to Fort Jackson for the Chaplain Basic Officer Leadership Course (CHBOLC). I found great peace despite the stress of having a husband deploy to Afghanistan and leaving my children for six weeks. Every moment at Fort Jackson served as confirmation to my call. I absolutely loved being there. One thought went through my head as I stood in formation, did PT, marched in freezing rain, and sat through endless classes. I thought, “This is where I’m supposed to be.”

A call to ministry needs more than personal conviction as evidence; it must also be confirmed by other believers and the work of the Spirit. While the previous events assured me personally that I’m going in the right direction, confirmation should also come from the outside. Several mature Christians have provided encouragement and confirmation. They offered these words after watching me ministering or hearing me share my passion for military ministry. When someone who knows me best says I was made to be a chaplain, those words reassure me of my call. When the Holy Spirit helps me in times of ministry and military training, that too offers confirmation.

Commitment

While I’ve remained sure of this call since December 2006, I don’t always like it. As my husband served in Afghanistan, and I attempted seminary and parenthood alone, the sacrifices I agreed to became all too real. Deployment, war and separation weren’t just distant possibilities, they were harsh realities. I know the pain Joel’s deployment caused my children. I held them as they described nightmares about mommy and daddy going to war. I know the fear that comes with having a spouse in a combat zone and I don’t want to put my husband through that. I’m living through the stress of reintegration. I don’t have to imagine how hard a military career might be on our family. I get to taste it each day.

Sometimes I don’t like this call. I don’t want it. Sometimes the passion is hard to hold on to. I don’t see soldiers every day. I go to school, write papers and do laundry. My combat boots get pushed to the back of the closet. It’s during these dry spells that commitment becomes essential. I believe God has called me to be an Army chaplain. I’ve committed to do that regardless of how hard it seems or how I feel on a bad day. I must continually remind myself of Andrew Murray’s words in Absolute Surrender, “I pray you, learn to know and trust your God now. Say: “My God, I am willing that Thou shouldst make me willing.” If there is anything holding you back, or any sacrifice you are afraid of making, come to God now, and prove how gracious your God is, and be not afraid that He will command from you what He will not bestow.”*