I went out into the freshly mowed backyard and called a friend. We like to start our mornings by praying together. Ideally that would be by meeting in person over a breakfast burrito… life isn’t always ideal, but mobile to mobile minutes are free.

After praying, I made a cup of coffee and sat at the dining room table to read. I started with Psalm 3 in George Wood’s book, A Psalm in Your Heart. Next I enjoyed a chapter in Eugene H. Peterson’s Working the Angles: The Shape of Pastoral Integrity. For all of my complaints about The Message being confused with scripture, I really do enjoy Peterson’s writing.

After reading a while, I unpacked a few boxes, made the kids some kickball bases out of cabinet liners, talked to Rachel on the phone for a bit and finally started making breakfast.

Mmmm… breakfast… actually I guess it’s brunch. That’s OK, I’m having huevos rancheros typically served as a mid-morning meal. [So says wikipedia.] Lightly toasted corn tortillas, sautéd onions, peppers and black beans. Fried eggs, fresh salsa and as a lactose-free bonus: Kraft sharp cheddar and Sour Supreme. [A surprisingly good milk free sour cream.]

I’m going to go enjoy my brunch while listening to a great CD which will hopefully drown out my offspring’s bad attitudes.

I just pre-ordered the long awaited ESV Study Bible from Amazon. And I’m anxiously awaiting it’s mid-October arrival.

For More Info:
Visit esvstudybible.org for more info. They’ve put together a great web site. You can also preview the introductions to Revelation and Luke. [pdf downloads]

Personal Trivia:
My preaching professor at AGTS wrote the study notes for 2 Peter and Jude.

Useless info:
I paid for it by dumping all of my change in a Coinstar machine at the nearest grocery store. They offer free coin counting if you get your money back as a giftcard.

Sorry for the late post. I got a lot out of the reading earlier today but didn’t take the time to write.

—

Reading notes on: Devotional Classics / Preparing for the Spiritual Life / Page 41

The sixth selection includes excerpts from On the Love of God by Bernard of Clairvaux (1090-1153).

Here’s my favorite quote: “Thus it happens that once God’s sweetness has been tasted, it draws us to the pure love of God more than our needs compel us to love him.”(43)

Here’s a summarizing quote. I recommend reading further.

“What are the four degrees of love? First, we love ourselves for our own sake; since we are unspiritual and of the flesh we cannot have an interest in anything that does not relate to ourselves. When we begin to see that we cannot subsist by ourselves, we begin to seek God for our own sakes. This is the second degree of love; we love God, but only for our own interests. But if we begin to worship and come to God again and again by meditating, by reading, by prayer, and by obedience, little by little God becomes known to us through experience. We enter into a sweet familiarity with God, and by tasting how sweet the Lord is we pass into the third degree of love so that now we love God, not for our own sake, but for himself. It should be noted that in this third degree we will stand still for a very long time… I am not certain that the fourth degree of love in which we love ourselves only for the sake of God may be perfectly attained in this life. But, when it does happen, we will experience the joy of the Lord and be forgetful of ourselves in a wonderful way…” (40)

Bible Selection: 1 John 4:7-21
I LOVED this passage. I’ve decided to memorize it.

Reflection Question: “Which of the four stages of love have you experienced in your spiritual journey? Describe.

The fifth selection includes excerpts from The Dark Night of the Soul by John of the Cross (1542-1691).

Dark Night of the Soul

I first heard the phrase my freshman year at Evangel University. I’ve definitely experienced it. I wrote a letter to Nicole in February of 1998 explaining the dark place I found myself in. I wrote,

“… I’m feeling a little lost, like I’ve entered into another one of those “dark nights of the soul” like Abraham after he made the covenant with God, he fell into that deep sleep. . . or maybe like when he had to wave his arms and chase away the birds that were trying to eat the covenant sacrifice. There are some buzzards circling round here. It’s all I can do to yell “shoo.”

…I’m distressed, discouraged, disillusioned, and discontent. I’m so thirsty, my throat is parched for lack of the Spirit. I feel like yelling and wailing and shouting and falling on my face and crying out to God, “I want to come home.” But I can’t because my head’s in a vice and there’s an anvil on my chest. . . I can hardly breathe. Oh for Aslan to jump over the white witch’s wall and to breathe on this cold white marble statue His breath of life.

Don’t get me wrong it’s not like I’ve fallen into some great immoral sin of any sort. . . well doubt, and complacency, and apathy. . .uggg I guess I have.

sigh…

I’m not sure where I’m going and I can’t remember where I’ve been; though I know it was better than where I am. I faintly remembering how real God was to me, how real and awesome His call was. I know He spoke, I’m sure I heard his voice. But I no longer recognize it. Henry Blackaby says, “If you have trouble hearing God speak, you are in trouble at the very heart of your Christian experience.” That sounds serious to me.

…I just want my heart to stop hurting and my stomach to stop churning, and my head to stop spinning, and most of all my soul to stop aching. God is dealing with me in a powerful way and I’m not enjoying it in the slightest.

John of the Cross explains this dark dry place as a tool God uses to purify the soul.  At some point in our Christian walk, God removes the feelings involved in religious activities in order to bring his children into a deeper walk with him.  It’s painful, but these times in our life “teach virtue and prevent vice.”  John of the Cross proceeds to explain seven spiritual vices a “dark night of the soul” helps treat and prevent.  They include spiritual pride, greed, luxury, wrath, gluttony, envy and sloth.  I encourage you to read more about these spiritual vice, they might not be what you expect.  When God sees these spiritual imperfections in us he wants us to grow up… “No soul will ever grow deep in the spiritual life unless God works passively in that soul by means of the dark night.” (37)

Bible Selection: Psalm 42

Reflection Question: “Have you ever experienced what might be called a “dark night” in your spiritual journey, a time when the joys and delights seemed to vanish?

Please share your thoughts and experiences in the comment section.

Note: Sorry I don’t have more time to write on this.  Homework calls!

The fourth selection includes excerpts from Introduction to the Devout Life by Francis de Sales (1567-1622).

Once again, today’s devotion spoke directly to my recent thoughts. It begins by discussing “phantom devotion” that is when a person does things that make him outwardly appear devout… but inwardly their hearts are not in line with God’s.

Francis de Sales defines “genuine, living devotion” as simply true love of God. He says this true devotion is sugar which removes the bitterness from discipline and sweetens “the most cruel torments and even death itself.”

In fact, this love for God makes everything sweeter, he writes,

“So also every vocation becomes more agreeable when united with devotion. Care of one’s family is rendered more peaceable, love of husband and wife more sincere, service of one’s prince more faithful, and every type of employment more pleasant and agreeable.” (30)

This emphasis on loving God addressed a longing I’ve had lately: to love God more. I contemplated the words this morning, talked to Rachel about them before church and prayed that God would show me how to love him more.

Then I went to church and listened to Pastor Bradford’s sermon on…. How to love God. Of course he preached on exactly what I had been reading and praying about. I’m not even surprised anymore. It’s just too obvious that Someone is orchestrating my life lately.

Bible Selection: Romans 13:8-10

The third selection includes excerpts from Religious Affections by Jonathan Edwards (1703-1758).

I enjoyed this selection so very much. I wish I could quote all of the excerpts chosen by the editors. I intend to read the rest of Religious Affections. Thankfully it’s available as a free download at CCEL.org. Edwards addresses more deeply the thoughts I shared earlier about casual Christianity.

“The kind of religion that God requires, and will accept, does not consist in weak, dull, and lifeless ‘wouldings’–those weak inclinations that lack convictions–that raise us but a little above indifference. God, in his word, greatly insists that we be in good earnest, fervent in spirit, and that our hearts be engaged vigorously in our religion: ‘Be fervent in spirit, serving the Lord’ (Rom. 12:11)” (19)

“If we are not earnest in our religion, and if our wills and inclinations are not strongly exercised, we are nothing. The importance of religion is so great that no halfhearted exercise will suffice. In nothing is the state of our heart so crucial as in religion, and in nothing is lukewarmness so odious.” (19, 20)

Edwards goes on to say in contrast that, “True religion is a powerful thing.”

Patti commented earlier this morning about the last paragraph of section two. Here it is:

“When we receive the Spirit of God, we receive the baptism of the Holy Ghost who is like “fire, ” and along with it the sanctifying and saving influences of God. When this happens, when grace is at work within us, it sometimes “burns” within us, as it was for Jesus’ disciples (Luke 24:32)” (20)

Edwards continues to discuss his ideas of true religion. He wrote, “A person who has a knowledge of doctrine and theology only–without religious affections–has never engaged in true religion.” (21)

What are these religious affections that “true religion” requires? Edwards writes of nine.

1. Holy Fear - “The fear of God is a great part of godliness.” (21)
2. Hope in God
3. Love
4. Holy Desire - “This holy thirst is spoken of as a condition of participation in the blessings of eternal life.” (22)
5. Joy
6. Religious Sorrow - A contrite heart. Psalm 51:17
7. Gratitude
8. Compassion
9. Zeal

Bible Selection: Deuteronomy 10:12-22

Suggested Exercise: “Use the list of nine holy affections, focusing on one in which you would like to see growth in your life. Notice that each affection is based on a scriptural foundation. Do a personal Bible Study on that particular affection, paying attention to the theology and doctrine that undergirds it.” (24)

Note: If you want to do the suggested exercise I quoted, let me know which affection you’re studying and I’ll send you that part of the reading.

The second selection includes excerpts from The Spirit of the Disciplines: Understanding How God Changes Lives by Dallas Willard.

Willard’s views of discipleship and the lack thereof caught my attention yesterday. He wrote,

“Most problems in contemporary churches can be explained by the fact that members have not yet decided to follow Christ.

Little good results from insisting that Christ is also supposed to be Lord: to present his lordship as an option leaves it squarely in the category of the white-wall tires and stereo equipment for the new car. You can do without it. And it is–alas!–far from clear what you would do with it. Obedience and training in obedience form no intelligible doctrinal or practical unity with the salvation presented in recent versions of the gospel.”(14)

Willard explains the Great Commission and says the church has changed it. We’ve stopped making disciples [students of Christ] and teaching people to obey Christ… now we “Make converts and baptize them into church membership.” (14)

Willard says that “The disciple of Christ desires above all else to be like him… And if we intend to become like Christ, that will be obvious to every thoughtful person around us, as well as to ourselves.” (15, 16)

The selection concludes with an explanation of the cost of nondiscipleship.

“Nondiscipleship costs abiding peace, a life penetrated throughout by love, faith that sees everything in the light of God’s overriding governance for good, hopefulness that stands firm in the most discouraging of circumstances, power to do what is right and withstand the forces of evil. In short, it costs exactly that abundance of life Jesus said he came to bring.” (16)

I want to be like Christ. I want to be a student of his. I’m so very tired of casual Christianity. I want an abundant life full of love, faith, hope, and power. More and more, our culture values authenticity. People are turned off by nondisciples who call themselves Christians. They have no desire to become like them– people playing church but lacking true faith, love, hope and power. Why play church as if it were a social game or a get out of jail free card when Jesus has offered us the amazing opportunity to become his students? Why merely pretend to know the great teacher when He has invited you to follow him daily, hear his words, share meals, rub shoulders and take part in what he’s doing?

Bible Selection: Matthew 28:16-20

Reflection Question: “What would change about your life if you were to focus all your energies on becoming like Christ?”

The first selection comes from Mere Christianity by C. S. Lewis.

My favorite quote from this selection:

“When He said, “Be perfect,” He meant it. He meant that we must go in for the full treatment. It is hard; but the sort of compromise we are all hankering after is harder–in fact it is impossible. It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad.” - pg 9.

I love this. We can’t just be a “good egg.” We have to fully surrender to Christ and give Him everything. Earlier in the reading, Lewis explains why anything less just doesn’t work.

The Scripture for this selection: Luke 14:25-33.

A Reflection Question:

“In Luke 14:25-33, Jesus encourages those who would follow him to “count the cost” of being one of his disciples. What has being a Christian cost you?” - pg 11.

Here’s the list.

I’ll post a photo of my pile when Amazon ships the two I just ordered.

P.S. Fellow seminarians, I know I’m not the only geek.  Let’s see a list of your summer reading.  Chris, I know you’ve got a pile of book twice as high as mine.

I’ve started reading a selection in Devotional Classics: Selected Readings for Individuals and Groups each morning as part of my devotional time. This is only day two but I’m loving it.

The book, edited by Richard Foster and James Bryan Smith, includes devotional readings drawn from six faith traditions:

1. The Prayer-Filled Life (Contemplative Tradition)
2. The Virtuous Life (Holiness Tradition)
3. The Spirit-Empowered Life (Charismatic Tradition)
4. The Compassionate Life (Social Justice Tradition)
5. The Word-Centered Life (Evangelical Tradition)
6. The Sacramental Life (Incarnational Tradition)

The book begins with eight selections comprising a section titled “Preparing for the Spiritual Life.” These readings come from familiar authors such as C. S. Lewis, John of the Cross, Bernard of Clairvaux and St. Augustine.

I encourage you to pick up the paperback book and join me. The book has fifty-two selections and has been organized for group as well as individual study. I’m going to use it for daily devotions, but it’s obviously put together as a weekly introduction to “the great devotional writers over the course of one year.”

I’m contemplating posting my thoughts or favorite quotes for each selection. I’m not sure if I’ll do that in individual posts, or as a comments to this post. What do you think?

A year or two ago, my recruiter sent me the Every Soldier’s Battle kit for women.  This kit includes the book Every Woman’s Battle.  I never got around to reading it until now.  We have a 1,200 page reading requirement for our Military Chaplaincy class.  Some of that reading is left for us to choose.  We can read chaplain, ministry, and military related books.  Since this one came straight from my recruiter, I think it probably counts.  I’m only to page 71.  Much of what I’ve read so far doesn’t seem to relate to me personally… I think that makes it even more useful.  It’ll help me understand and minister to women who deal with different battles than I do.

Coincidently,  I just found a song by Dustin Kensrue that seems to fit some of the things I’ve been reading today.  If his words touch your heart… you might want to buy the book.

Dustin Kensrue - I knew you before

P.S. I’ll let you know what I think of this book and the others I’m reading after the semester ends.

School:
The semester is over for most of my cohorts. Not for me. I have a few [10] more assignments to complete over the holiday break. I received my first B of my grad school career. The tarnished GPA stings a bit, but in all reality… I am thankful I even got a B. This has been a difficult semester for me. I’ve greatly enjoyed all of my classes, I’m just tired of doing seminary as a sickly single mom. I’ve spent the last few months tired, ill and missing my husband. That made it difficult to get things done. All whining aside, I’m so very thankful for the opportunity to attend AGTS. I love it, love it, love it.

Car:
The heater on the car wasn’t working a few weeks ago. With the end of the semester crushing upon me, I didn’t have time to get it fixed before the first freezing rain hit… and boy did it hit me. I nearly froze my toes off one Wednesday while waiting to pick my kids up from school. I had frost nip and stage two hypothermia. Brrrr! The next day I had to give a presentation in class. I woke up at 4am to work on it. Still cold from the day before, I shivered in class while wearing my coat and my classmate’s scarf and gloves. After class I went outside to find a thick sheet of ice on my windshield and freezing rain falling from the sky. With no heat or defroster… it took a while to get the windows cleared. I finally made it to Sarah’s preschool craft day… hours late wearing two coats, shivering uncontrollably and looking like I had stood in freezing rain for half an hour. Way to make a first impression.

The next morning, Hillery watched Sarah so that I could drop my car off to get it fixed. Gene Thomlinson [aka "Chief"] picked me up at the shop and dropped me off. A few hours and only thirty dollars later, I had heat in my car! Ahhhh…. my toes finally thawed out.

The recent ice storm killed my passenger side windshield wiper arm. I ordered one at O’Reilly Auto Parts and got it the very next day. I just installed it in the rain a few hours ago and I’m feeling rather Hooah for doing so. I hate overpaying people to do stuff I can do myself. Kind of like Jiffy Lube, I took the car there a couple of days ago. The guy told me I needed a new radiator cap and it would only cost 12.50… um…. No Thank you! I got one at O’Reilly for 4 bucks. No wonder I always feel like they’re trying to take advantage of me… they are.

Christmas:
Today’s weather delayed my trip to Texas. We’ll be leaving tomorrow morning. On my mom’s birthday. [Happy Birthday Mom!]

I’m looking forward to seeing my family for the holidays but really, I’m not very excited about Christmas this year. I miss my man. I usually avoid most holiday trappings and just enjoy having my husband off work or home from Army training. Now that my favorite thing about Christmas is in Afghanistan… I’m trying extra hard to boost up on holiday cheer. It’s shocking really. I actually bought [and frequently listen to] a Christmas CD. *GASP* And… AND… I bought a Christmas t-shirt. Unbelievable isn’t it? VERY.
Don’t worry, I’ve not completely turned from my scrooge like ways. I still can’t stomach 88.3 The Wind’s Clean Air Christmas. [Just a few more days till I get my favorite radio station back from those pesky reindeer and elves who take it hostage each November and December.]

Bible:
I finally bought a new ESV Bible. Unhappy with Crossway’s sub par publishing, I decided to buy an inexpensive hardback while waiting on someone to do a better publishing job. I got the Hard cover ESV, Single Column Reference Bible Besides the insanely thin pages, I really like it. [Actually the thin pages aren't so bad... I can read twice as fast since I can read several pages at once... argh] Here’s a pdf sample page. I like the layout, I’ve never had anything like this. I think it’ll leave lots of room to write in the margins… without being an actual wide margin Bible.

I’m going to get Mom or Julie to help me make an ACU fabric cover for it… why not?

Conclusion:
Well… I think this concludes my rambling reintroduction into the blogging world.

My long awaited, sweet smelling Bible was delivered a week ago… but I didn’t get it until yesterday since I was in Tennessee. Tonight, I finally sat down to read out of the long awaited Bible… flipping through the cream colored pages I noticed something missing. The Book Of Revelation. Yes, the 66th book of the Bible is just… well it’s GONE.

Slightly befuddled, and terribly disappointed, I’m thankful for Amazon’s return policy. Hopefully I’ll get my replacement in a few weeks refund soon.

Thankfully, I already owned six of the required books!

Oh and here’s my schedule:

• Christianity to the Reformation
• Military Chaplaincy
• The Spiritual Formation of the Minister

–
Please keep me in your prayers as I complete the requirements of this semester… I only have 12 papers, two exams and a presentation left.

Actually it’s going to be a great class. The subject is important, the guest speakers are interesting, and the professor is merciful. Best of all: it’s a chaplain class, which means I’m taking it with friends.

Yesterday we discussed the text books* and a few articles written by Diana L. Eck with the Pluralism Project. [I don't think Dr. Eck was very popular with my classmates.] After dinner, a secular Muslim spoke to us about Islam. After that interesting discussion, I spent the rest of the evening learning about Islam and counting down the minutes until 10pm while thanking God for coffee, tea, Pepsi Max and caffeinated mints. I’d do a lot better with a 5am class than with one going till 10pm.

* Textbooks

About the textbooks: You’ve got to read Finding Common Ground. It’s an awesome book. I’ll write more about it and the other textbooks later.

Encountering Religious Pluralism: The Challenge to Christian Faith & Mission
By Harold A. Netland

The Gospel in a Pluralist Society
By Lesslie Newbigin

Finding Common Ground: How to Communicate With Those Outside the Christian Community…While We Still Can
By Tim Downs

What Everyone Needs to Know about Islam
By John L. Esposito

[You can find all of my seminary books here.]

I have a few more to add…

Lesson Three: Alone With God

About closet-prayer he says,

“The first thing in closet-prayer is: I must meet my Father. The light that shines in the closet must be: the light of the Father’s countenance. The fresh air from heaven with which Jesus would have it filled, the atmosphere in which I am to breathe and pray, is: God’s Father-love, God’s infinite Fatherliness.”

The secrecy of the inner chamber and the closed door, the entire separation from all around us, is an image of, and so a help to that inner spiritual sanctuary, the secret of God’s tabernacle, within the veil, where our spirit truly comes into contact with the Invisible One.

“Just because your heart is cold and prayerless, get you into the presence of the loving Father. As a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth you. Do not be thinking of how little you have to bring God, but of how much He wants to give you. Just place yourself before, and look up into, His face; think of His love, His wonderful, tender, pitying love. Just tell Him how sinful and cold and dark all is: it is the Father’s loving heart will give light and warmth to yours.”

“‘He that cometh to God must believe that He is a rewarder of them that seek Him.’ Not on the strong or the fervent feeling with which I pray does the blessing of the closet depend, but upon the love and the power of the Father to whom I there entrust my needs.”

Here are a few quotes:

Lesson Two: ‘In spirit and truth.’

“We are carnal and cannot bring God the worship He seeks. But Jesus came to give the Spirit: He has given Him to us. Let the disposition in which we set ourselves to
pray be what Christ’s words have taught us. Let there be the deep confession of our inability to
bring God the worship that is pleasing to Him; the childlike teachableness that waits on Him to
instruct us; the simple faith that yields itself to the breathing of the Spirit.”

“… the knowledge of the Fatherhood of God, the revelation of His infinite Fatherliness in our hearts, the faith in the infinite love that gives us His Son and His Spirit to make us children, is indeed the secret of prayer in spirit and truth.”

I’m not saying I’m proficient at prayer, but I am longing to learn. That’s why I started reading an old book I bought last fall.

With Christ in the School of Prayer
by Andrew Murray

I intended to read this classic quickly, but now I see that it contains 31 lessons, a month long course on the topic of prayer. I’ll read a chapter a day. I hope that you’ll read it with me. You can read it online or even download some mp3s here.

Here are a few quotes from the first chapter:

Lesson 1: The Only Teacher

“And as we see Him pray, and remember that there is none who can pray like Him, and none who can teach like Him, we feel the petition of the disciples, ‘Lord, teach us to pray,’ is just what we need.”

“And as we think how all He is and has, how He Himself is our very own, how He is Himself our life, we feel assured that we have but to ask, and He will be delighted to take us up into closer fellowship with Himself, and teach us to pray even as He prays. “

“It is to prayer that God has given the right to take hold of Him and His strength. It is on prayer that the promises wait for their fulfillment the kingdom for its coming, the glory of God for its full revelation.”

“By His Holy Spirit, He has access to our heart, and teaches us to pray by showing us the sin that hinders the prayer, or giving us the assurance than we please God. He teaches, by giving not only thoughts of what to ask or how to ask, but by breathing within us the very spirit of prayer, by living within us as the Great Intercessor.”

Lord, Teach Me to Pray.
–
Note: Wondering why prayer is important? Read what Murray wrote about the sin of prayerlessness. Ouch.

“In a meeting of ministers there is probably no single sin which each one of us ought to acknowledge with deeper shame -’Guilty, verily guilty’ - than the sin of prayerlessness.”
-The sin and cause of prayerlessness
The Prayer Life by Andrew Murray

Bonus: Here’s my post about Absolute Surrender by Andrew Murray.

Without sounding clinical or cliché, Wright explains the process of grief. He often points out what a person might be experiencing and labels it as normal. He describes what grief looks like, what it feels like and how to work through the disruptive pain. He includes brief words of advice like, “Don’t compare your loss with others and think theirs is worse or more painful than your own” (p. 15). He also addresses physical symptoms, “Some experience a tightness in their throat or chest, an empty feeling in their stomach, shortness of breath, or rapid heart rate” (p. 21).

Taking the reader’s hand and leading them step by step, he explains their experiences without resorting to merely listing the stages of grief. He speaks of tears, anxiety, guilt, and anger. Wright answers questions like, “Will the sadness ever go away?” and “What do I do with my feelings?”

Wright’s book is short, simple and helpful. He offers hope and a sense of normalcy to those who mourn the loss of a loved one. This book makes a great resource for those who minister to people experiencing grief. It is small and inexpensive, making it a helpful tool to have on hand.

H. Norman Wright. (2004). Experiencing Grief. Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman Publishers.

It is in a great mug though. Patti sent it to me last year. The mug quotes,

“His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.” - Lamentations 3:22,23

I thought I’d go for an inspirational mug this morning since I went to bed feeling a little down. Joel and I were working on our finances. We had to cut $412 from our monthly budget. Ouch! We also had to spend $350 on another attempt to fix our car. Which… seemed bad yesterday, but actually… this morning it just makes me thankful that we save money each month for car repairs. Go Joel, you rock!

Morning Read:
This morning I’m reading Get Out of That Pit: Straight Talk about God’s Deliverance by Beth Moore. Holly sent it to me for my birthday. I’ve really enjoyed the first two chapters.

[I forgot to tell you that I got to meet Holly last week. That's an upcoming post.]

“You and I were made to worship,
You and I are called to love,
You and I are forgiven and free.
When you and I embrace surrender,
You and I choose to believe,
You and I will see how we were meant to be”

Embrace Surrender
Those words flowed from the car speakers and gripped my stubborn heart. Embrace?

em·brace
1. To clasp or hold close with the arms, usually as an expression of affection.

I’m supposed to embrace surrender? What? How?

Last semester one of my professors suggested that we read Absolute Surrender by Andrew Murray. Several people recommended it within a few weeks. Having never heard of this classic before, I took the hint and bought an old copy. It sat untouched on my bookshelf for months. I took it to Jackson with me but never turned a page. I didn’t even know what the book was about, but the bold title on the tattered, faded covered called to me often.

When we first arrived at Jackson, I admitted to Patti that I thought I had a problem trusting God. She told me that I do trust God. I’m just stubborn and I don’t like what He’s doing!

She was was right. I didn’t like what He was asking of us. It seemed too hard and I didn’t feel strong enough. Later that month, I took a few steps toward surrender but something still held me back.

Paula declared “Holy Determination” to be her CH-BOLC catchphrase. I made mine, “Embrace Surrender.”

On my first Sunday back in Springfield, I found this in the church bulletin:

“Reflective Reading

“Many are afraid to make a full surrender to God because they fear God’s will. They are afraid God’s will may be something dreadful, some hard thing. Remember who God is: He is infinite love, and absolute surrender to God is simply absolute surrender to infinite love. Is there anything dreaded in that? And God is our Father. God’s love is not only wiser than that of any earthly father, but more tender than any earthly mother….There is nothing to be feared in God’s will. God’s will will always prove in the final outcome the best and sweetest thing in all God’s universe. Lay your will down and look to your Father to baptize you with the Holy Spirit.” - From R.A. Torrey on the Holy Spirit

Receiving a handwritten card from God couldn’t have been more meaningful than seeing those words in the bulletin that Sunday morning. It was like God saying, “I’m Real… and I’m talking directly to you… and Oh yeh… I’m really serious about that surrender thing.”

—
I’ve had a difficult time since returning to Springfield. I miss my husband, I miss the Army, I’m not taking weekly classes, I’m overwhelmed with homework, the kids are challenging, and I’m still not feeling well. John Piper might say that I’m, “Fighting For Joy.”

On Monday night, I got tired of dabbling with depression, I decided I need to do something. I searched my bookshelf for some sort of devotional. The old yellow and black book once again called to me. Absolute Surrender… might as well read that.
—
Absolute Surrender
by Murray, Andrew (1828-1917)
First published in 1895.

In his address, Murray asks the question, “Are you willing to surrender yourselves absolutely into His hands?

God Claims It From Us.
“And everyone of us is a temple of God, in which God will dwell and work mightily on one condition–absolute surrender to Him. God claims it, God is worthy of it, and without it God cannot work his blessed work in us.”

God claims it. Nothing new here. God has a habit of requiring us to do things that are humanly impossible. My lack of surrender limits what he can do in my life? Ouch. The incessant ache of my heart verified this truth. But how can I surrender and what will that bring?

God Will Work It Himself.
“I am sure there is many a heart that says: “Ah, but that absolute surrender implies so much!” Someone says, “Oh, I have passed through so much trial and suffering, and there is so much of the self-life still remaining, and I dare not face the entire giving of it up, because I know it will cause so much trouble and agony.”

“Alas! alas that God’s children have such thoughts of Him, such cruel thoughts.

Oh my goodness… I just made Andrew Murray say “Alas!” Twice.

“God does not ask you to give the perfect surrender in your strength or by the power of your will; God is willing to work it in you. And that is what we should seek for–to go on our faces before God, until our hearts learn to believe that the everlasting God Himself will come in to turn out what is wrong, to conquer what is evil, and to work what is well-pleasing in His blessed sight. God Himself will work it in you…

I pray you, learn to know and trust your God now. Say: “My God, I am willing that Thou shouldst make me willing.” If there is anything holding you back, or any sacrifice you are afraid of making, come to God now, and prove how gracious your God is, and be not afraid that He will command from you what He will not bestow.”

Whoo! Good, I knew I couldn’t do this on my own. God if you claim it from me… well then you need to work it in me because, I’ve tried and it didn’t work out so well. God, I am willing that you would make me willing.

“All these searchings and hungerings and longing that are in your heart, I tell you they are the drawings of the divine magnet, Christ Jesus. He lived a life of absolute surrender, He has possession of you; He is living in your heart by His Holy Spirit. You have hindered and hindered Him terribly, but He desires to help you to get hold of him entirely.”

Oh my, I have hindered Him terribly with my stubborn heart and lack of trust. I want to surrender but how do I know if I truly have?

God Accepts It When We Bring It To Him.

“But remember when you come and bring God that absolute surrender, it may, as far as your feelings or your consciousness go, be a thing of great imperfection, and you may doubt and hesitate and say: “Is it absolute?”

“And if you come and say: “Lord, I yield myself in absolute surrender to my God,” even though it be with a trembling heart and with the consciousness: “I do not feel the power, I do not feel the determination, I do not feel the assurance,” it will succeed…

And when you do yield yourself in absolute surrender, let it be in faith that God does now accept of it…

“While I… full of failure and sin and fear, bow here, and no one knows what passes through my heart, and while I in simplicity say, O God… I have accepted Thy terms of absolute surrender–while your heart says that in deep silence, remember there is a God present that takes note of it, and writes it down in His book, and there is a God present who at that very moment takes possession of you. You may not feel it, you may not realize it, but God takes possession if you will trust Him.”

Sometimes we put a lot of emphasis on feelings when what we really need is faith. It seems Murray doesn’t think feelings have anything to do with this. If I come to Christ and offer absolute surrender, or ask Him to help me to do so… that’s enough. He accepts it, regardless of how I feel. But how do we know if it ’sticks’? Don’t people often consecrate themselves to God or ‘rededicate their lives’? Doesn’t it generally tend to fade? Murray says that is because people don’t believe this:

God Maintains It
“When God has begun the work of absolute surrender in you, and when God has accepted your surrender, then God holds Himself bound to care for it and to keep it.”

What does this life of absolute surrender look like?

“Such a life has two sides–on the one side, absolute surrender to work what God wants you to do; on the other side, to let God work what He wants to do…

But say absolutely to the Lord God: “By Thy grace I desire to do Thy will in everything, every moment of every day.” Say: “Lord God, not a word upon my tongue but for Thy glory, not a movement of my temper but for Thy glory, not an affection of love or hate in my heart but for Thy glory, and according to Thy blessed will.”

But for Thy glory. This is the prayer I spoke of a few days ago.

Will Wonderfully Bless Us

“Let us believe God has wonderful blessings for us, if we will but stand up for God, and say, be it with a trembling will, yet with a believing heart: “O God, I accept Thy demands. I am thine and all I have. Absolute surrender is what my soul yields to Thee by divine grace.”

“Acknowledge that you have grieved the Holy Spirit by your self-will, self-confidence, and self-effort. Bow humbly before Him in the confession of that.

Absolute Surrender. That is my prayer. While I can not find the strength within me to absolutely surrender to His will, I can ask Him to help. I think that is enough.

“My God, I am willing that Thou shouldst make me willing.”
—
I’m still a little down, but that melancholy is mixed with anticipation. I’m excited about what God is doing and is about to do.

He can be such a patient, gentle God. Overlooking my stubbornness, and the childish cruel thoughts I think of Him. He walks right into my accusing attacks and offers to hold me, to embrace me.

And I respond by asking Him, “Lord, help me to embrace surrender.”
—

Absolute Surrender by Andrew Murray
Read it online.
Listen.

John Piper on Fighting for Joy:
Online Book:
When I don’t Desire God: How to fight for joy
Sermon Series:
How to Fight For Joy Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

I wasn’t able to find a copy at Ft. Wood. But Amazon seems to have the best price online.

Here are a few related links:

Listen to an NPR interview and read an excerpt of the book: All Things Considered, February 9, 2006.

Watch a video of Henderson discussing her book at the Pritzker Military Library.

Some of Henderson’s comments about anticipatory grief.